Anxiety & Depression: The God Honest Truth
No matter how much positivity and gratitude practiced, once the days get closer to the traumatic loss there is no where to hide. You have to take this head on. I’m face to face with November.
I should have been writing this when I started having the feelings. I can’t believe at times I feel like I’m being tricked out of my happiness and reliving the moments before taking on the loss. Loosing myself ; I’ve been there. Best advice: HAVE ALL THOSE FEELS - the key is not skipping over the process! It’ll have you remembering once those feels come back just how you can put forth a little more effort in getting through. They’ll be zero desire to do anything, limited motivation to get out of bed, clients will have to be moved around and some days the dark cloud is coming through the blinds that you opened up to get some sunlight. Yea I get it - been there too - and still get there !
Now that I’m face to face with this SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) szn, I’ve renamed it: S.A.D szn: SEASON ADDRESSING (my) DENIAL. They’re gone! And no matter how much I want them to be here - reality, they are not EVER coming back. The feels- ugh that shit hurts. The memories, time well spent, that button nose I had the chance to kiss holding my baby girl, hearing my grandmother slippers slide across the floor, everyday after school going to the corner store, our talks - and the look she would give if I decided I wanted to act up ! I just imagine life still having them in the physical - the feels.
Depression & Anxiety: Meds + Diagnosed
In no shape or form am I a fan of meds, you think I would start now? Anxiety is a feeling of fear, dread, and uneasiness. C’mon we’ve all felt uneasy before. Like parenthood, being an adult, people fighting for sales the day after Thanksgiving. You get it. Anxiety for me meant I spent a lot of my time overthinking and focused on things totally outside my control, times I can’t drive (I get panicky, tremble and can’t focus), and I’m being tired often (nap time is overextended). Like I said, the God honest truth. It is what it is ! I haven’t touched those meds btw, sitting on the dresser.
Depression - no one speaks about it. That word isn’t allowed to be brought up. “You’re just tired” “It’s all in your head” “Give it some time, it’ll go away” “You don’t look depressed”. If someone ever tried to disregard or tell you how to feel get from around them. & Don’t look back! Depression has no specific face to it. Depression doesn't just hit specific people. Traumatic things can happen, planting a seed for you to carry for life.
Create lifejacket(s) - support system, those who ask the tough questions. I’ve had days where I can tell you everything that’s going on then days where I can’t explain what’s going on. Your lifejacket(s) gives you grace, understands, has a plan of how they can be there or extend themselves from afar. Monday I was coming from a meeting, I was carrying my big bag, laptop case, notebook, and phone. I had a thought about it being November and everything dropped. My case broke on my phone, I immediately bust out in tears. I called my lifejacket - I just rambled about the phone case breaking because I couldn’t make out what was exactly happening!
Going to grief therapy, group setting for 7 weeks the therapist, the individuals of the group 100% helped me to be a little more centered, more intentional, and let out what I thought I passed. I learned to focus on being in the now not tomorrow. Things were shared I never knew I was still feeling, things I healed from and the God honest truth - healing from a parent who is still living, Ouch, see some things I realized I haven’t addressed. I understand this time around where I am in my grief. Prayer, reading my bible, creating, meditation, fasting (reading the book of Proverbs) became a part of my daily routine and has been extremely helpful in the unknowing. One of the greatest components of therapy is the ability to understand how your past (good and bad) triggers certain responses and how you can navigate through them.
Chile, find you a therapist that’s for YOU- I got 3!
Anxiety & depression, one or both doesn’t define who you are. You are not alone. Trust me I can relate and I can share my stories but you’ll be reading a novel. My space is a safe space where the God honest truth will help you push through. Don’t be so hard on yourself and don’t be ashamed to express where you are. Be relieved from the constant pressure you can’t authentically be yourself. Different people are in different stages of life. BE YOU! Take days off - DND (no you can’t hang up and call back), eat some foods that’ll boost your mood, and change up your daily routines, activities. It’s all about doing the uncomfortable then finding the comfort in it.